Monday, 18 January 2016

In which I fail to get on Norwegian TV

Walking home at top speed (because it is cold, and I am cold) a bearded chap with a sensible hat and a camera on a tripod (Canon, expensive) stops me. Do I have time, he says, to answer a few questions for Norwegian TV? I am an obliging sort so I say yes. Ask chap where he is from – Oslo. I know Oslo. Make swift mental note that have been to Oslo sculpture park, which is the only Oslo fact a brain fresh from dealing with proofreading since 0700 can come up with. Who knows whether or not this little nugget of experience might come in handy?

Make further mental scramble to work out what Norwegian TV might be asking about if it's not the sculpture park, and while he is fiddling with camera and we are both avoiding someone intent on running down anyone in their way with their mobility scooter, plump for EU and our forthcoming referendum and marshal what I hope will be sparkling British opinions, fresh from the East Midlands, on my view on the EU. (Stay in, if you’re interested.)

Interviewer: You live in Kettering?

Internal me: Easy one to start with.
Me: Yes.

Interviewer: And what is Kettering famous for?

Internal me: God – what? Shoes? Is anyone in Norway interested in Kettering’s long ago and now sadly defunct place in the shoe industry? Probably not.
Me: I’m really not sure.
Internal me: HELP ME HERE.

Interviewer: Do you like football?

Internal me: Are you kidding? I make active efforts to avoid it.
Me: Not my thing, I’m afraid.

Interviewer: Did you know Kettering has a football team?

Internal me: Yes, but what has that to do with anything?
Me: Yes.

Interviewer: Do you know how they’re doing?

Internal me: Look, I said football isn’t my thing. I have no idea. I have no idea how any team is doing. Is it so badly Norwegian TV have heard of it? 
Me: Absolutely no idea, I’m afraid.

Interviewer: Do you know what they’re famous for?

Internal me: Absolutely not a clue. 
Me: Absolutely not a clue.

Interviewer: Did you know they were the first team to have a sponsored shirt, 40 years ago?

Internal me: WTAF? I mean, what? 
Me: Gosh, no.

Interviewer: Thanks, that was brilliant.

Head off on my way. Once across the road, I turn round and the interviewer is still where I left him, asking someone else to stop. I think we both hope that this time, he’s found someone who has a bit more idea about the great and glorious history of Kettering football than me.